This year on March 7th made 4 years since my dad passed away. My father’s birthday was on March 27th. So March can be an interesting month for me at times. This year was the first year that I did not count down the days. I mean I knew it was coming, but I didn’t focus on it. Friday came which was his birthday, and that night I remembered.
I woke up Saturday morning with a taste for some grits with salmon croquettes. So I reached in my cabinet for one can, then I heard as clear as day the Lord say make enough for your mother’s. Yes I have 3 of them. My birth mother Hattie, my ex husband’s mother Mary and my spiritual Apostle Dwann.
My spiritual mom lives in FL and I live in NY. So the Lord put on my heart to cashap her some breakfast money and I told her what the Lord wanted me to do for them. Funny enough breakfast is her favorite meal, and the meal I was making is one of her favorites.
The instruction I got was to make them breakfast first, delivery to them hot. Then write them both a letter expressing how you feel about the both of them. When I began to write their letters there was some relief that came over me. I enjoy cooking so that is always therapeutic for me anyway.
Then it hit me. God was giving me instruction to celebrate and honor the 3 living parents that I have, so I don’t fall into sadness over the one who has passed on. That is not to say that I don’t honor the memory of my dad because I do. Till this day I miss his voice, and our conversations.
As a matter of fact my dad was cremated and I still have his ashes. I have had people suggest that I scatter them etc. I can’t bring myself to do that though. The point that I am making is God will have you do things for your own healing, that may not make natural sense. Holy Spirit unctioned me to love on them so that I wouldn't allow the spirit of grief to overtake me.
I remember when my heart literally ached, when he passed. My heart physically heart. Like a pain in your body. Like if I would touch my chest it was literally sore by my heart.
I remember asking my mom how long it would hurt. She responded in her Alabama accent
“Shant’e (my family calls me by my middle name) those things have to age” basically time heals old wounds. Each year that goes by I am beginning to understand what she meant by that.
If you are reading this and you've lost a parent you know exactly what I am talking about. Everyone's grieving process is different. No two people are the same. We all process things at different times and seasons. When I think of my dad I smile, and I don't cry as much about it.
I haven't cried thinking about him in over a year until now as I write this blog post with tears streaming down my face. I'm honored by his memory. I do miss him so much. Mom was right those things do have to age. Time is healing the wound of the loss of my dad. I will admit there is a scar, but it’s a reminder of him that makes me smile, and have tears of joy. I am sure that writing this blog right now is a part of healing. 4 years later it's different in the month of March I am not where I was last year this time. I thank God for distracting me this weekend with a healthy distraction of honoring the living.